I was sitting at work today, just doing my thing, and this thought just popped into my head. And the more I thought about it, the more it started to eat away at me. So, I knew I had to write it out because I am not sure if I could articulate this thought or feeling any other way. So, buckle up, boys and girls, I have not a clue on what direction I am about to take this.

Growing up, my most favorite feeling in the world was pride. Hands down. That was the feeling that fueled almost everything I did. School. Sports. Friendships. Family relationships. It didn’t matter. I wanted people to be proud of me and I wanted to be proud of myself. And a lot of the time, it was when people were proud of me that fueled the pride I had in myself. If that makes sense? For example, as an athlete, I worked hard. Because I wasn’t a natural athlete. I would get the hang of things, but it took a little work & practice to get there. So, I worked hard to get where I got. I would go to practice, come home, practice some more, do my homework, and then finish my day by practicing just a little bit more (and maybe forcing my Dad to practice with me). And amidst all the blood, sweat, and tears that I poured into getting better and better at something, I knew it was making my parents proud. Proud that I was willing to work my butt off for something I wanted. So that fueled me to work even harder, and the cycled continued, until I got where I needed to be. And when all that hard work finally paid off, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t exceedingly proud of myself. It’s crazy now to think of the HIGH I would feel when I knew people were proud of me. And combine that with the pride I felt within myself? Can you see why it was my most favorite feeling?!!?

So, that brings me to today. Because I can’t tell you the last time I was proud of myself. I can’t tell you the last time I knew I was even making someone else proud. And, now, is that because of a lack of communication skills or if it’s the fact that maybe I am not going above and beyond like I used to? I don’t know. But when did I stop doing everything in my power to make myself proud? Or why even?! I have no idea why I ever stopped working my ass off to make myself proud (I apologize for my French). Because that was the feeling that used to fuel my entire life. The feeling that made me feel like I was on Cloud 9 just about every single day. And I know it was probably part of the reason as to why I thought bad things couldn’t happen to me, but who cares about that part? You live and you learn. But WHY did I ever stop trying to be better than I was yesterday? And the fact that I do not have an answer is literally eating me up inside. And, in all honesty, there should not be an answer because I should have never stopped trying to be my best & making myself proud.

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So, how do I fix this? How do I start being proud of myself again? Well, the answer is in the question for this one. I just start being proud of myself again. Action is required. And once I start making myself proud of, well, myself, I know the rest will follow. Others will start being proud of me again. And it’s not the “pat on the back” kind of proud either. It’s the kind where you can just tell by their actions or by the little comments they make. That’s the best kind of proud that you could be in someone. The kind that doesn’t need words or physical validation because you just know. You just know….

So I am putting this out here on the internet so that you can all keep me accountable. If you see me out in public, please ask me the hard stuff. “Learn anything new lately?”. “How is your business going?”. “When is your next speech?”. “How’s the book going?”. And I am being quite serious here. Because I have gotten too lazy & that stops now. I have gotten too tangled up in other peoples thoughts & opinions of me that I forgot about the power that lies within my own opinion of myself. Even if I never make another person proud of me again, it will not matter. Because the pride I will have in myself will trump everything.

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So I have a task for you to do today, as well as myself. Here it is…

Do one thing today that will make you feel PROUD of yourself.

And then I want you to drop a comment of what you did in hopes to inspire someone else. Do you want to know what I did? I began to think about my past in order to try to figure out when I stopped trying to be the best version of myself. And as I was racking my brain, I realized that I need to be proud of all the things I faced, alone, when everyone else thought I was fine. Even the people closest to me. I am incredibly good at masking my emotions, and I am stronger than I give myself credit for. But I am SO F*€K!NG PROUD (excuse my french) of myself for facing some of the HARDEST moments I have ever encountered in my life, all alone, and while everyone else thought I was fine. So, that is my one thing for today. And tomorrow, I will try again. And the next day, and the next. Because if there is anything in this life that any of us deserve, it is to be proud of ourselves. And we might have to work our asses off (again, pardon my french) to get ourselves dug out of this hole that we might currently find ourselves in, but that is ok. All the more reason to be proud of yourself.

And don’t wait until the end to be proud of yourself either. Be proud of every step you take to get there too.

Love, The One Legged Mom