So every once in awhile I like to write about mental health & wellness. I’m sure some of you have noticed that. And I do it not only because I think it’s an important topic that shouldn’t just be spoken about in hushed tones, but also because it allows me to evaluate my own mental health status. And anyone who has ever been through something big (which is likely all of us) can attest to the fact that we have good days & we have bad days. Peaks & valleys. Thankfully, I’ve had a lot of good days, majority actually, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have low lows. And since I’ve started this page, I’ve found that writing has helped me actually feel those low valley moments & then reflect on them. Actually, this technique works in such a way for me that it ultimately helps me in my climb back up to higher ground. And for that I am eternally grateful for all the love & support & confidence you all have given me on this page to keep up my writing and, as a direct result of the heart to heart posts, my mental health.

I’m not one to cry often. I bury my feelings about hard stuff pretty deep, for them to only surface every couple of months. Which I’m good with. It allows me to feel what needs felt without impacting my daily routines & my busy life too much. I mean when I do let myself feel it, it’s a good, long cry. And when I say “it”, I mean pretty much anything crappy I’ve been “out of sight out of minding” lately and/or anything that has struck an out of key cord on my heart strings. And when I say cry, I mean the kind you sleep like a baby after because your soul just feels so free & your eyes just feel so tired. I mean I don’t 100% enjoy the crying despite its releasing/relaxing kind of effect it has, but dang is that sleep good.

Recently I am finding I’m a bit more sad than usual. And I don’t like that. But as I lay here in the dark writing this post, I think I might have discovered why. I’ve been overthinking my habits lately. Recently I was Facebook stalking random people (yes, I do that. 🤦🏼‍♀️) and I came across a photo someone shared that said “Depression is not just pill bottles & suicide notes” and then it listed some missed signs of depression. Amongst that list was “not showering for days at a time”, “sleeping often”, “under eating or overeating” & “not responding to texts or letting calls go unanswered because you don’t feel like interacting with others”. All of these are things I do. So it kind of got in my brain & I began to wonder if I am depressed? I mean I do have mood swings & I’d rather stay home on a weekend then go out, not to mention all the other things I just listed. But tonight, after my husband called me for about the 5th time today to see how I was because he’s also noticed my sadness recently, I’ve come to the realization that I’m not depressed. I’m just a mom.

I am in no way saying that being a mom makes a person sad. These are the happiest years of my life & I’m not just saying that because that’s a “socially acceptable” statement. I might not enjoy every second of parenting 3 kids that are 5 & under, but I am enjoying the season. And I also want to clarify that I am not saying that those points I listed above are not true missed signs of depression. Because there’s a very good chance that they are. But I do believe the “I’m a mom” response gives some pretty solid rebuttals to the missed depression signs.

Why haven’t I showered in 4 days? Well it’s because I am tired & I don’t really feel like taking a cold shower. A bath & a shower can use up some hot water. And that’s being pretty conservative with my girls taking a bath together & my husband & son taking a shower. I’m a scalding hot kind of girl. So if I’m going to shower I’d like for it to at least be hot.

Why do I sleep so much? If you read my 3 facts about me post, you’d see that I just thoroughly enjoy sleeping. I’ve always been like that. Having 2 legs or 1 leg isn’t going to change that either.

Why do I under eat or over eat? It’s because parents are basically garbage disposals. Me included. I get whatever’s left over, if anything at all. Kids love the meal? Well looks like I’m actually going to be eating a recommended serving size which is usually about the size of a very small potato, if that. Kids decide they don’t like what I made tonight even though they ate 3 servings of it last week? Well there’s a lot to eat momma. So dig in.

Why don’t I text back even though I read your message? Why didn’t I answer your call after I heard it ring & seen it was you? It might be because my kids seem to have telepathy & know exactly when to have a blow out or make a giant mess in the bathroom with water, soggy cookies & hand soap. I could talk text you using Siri mid diaper change, but I have come to find that Siri ain’t the greatest at listening nor does she tell a story near as well as good old type texting does. I might not have answered because my kids have been on a yelling, screaming, fighting kick all day & you happened to have called during the 5 minutes that everyone was happy & getting along. I know this sounds terrible, but I don’t want to waste those precious, rare minutes in a house filled with toddlers talking on the phone. I want to spend it in silence or by actually being to hear what the people on TV are saying without subtitles. I think those are some legit reasons that I’m sure a couple of parents reading this can attest to.

Bullet points are subjective to where you currently are in your life. And even then, things might not be purely black & white. I want you to know that it’s ok to be sad sometimes. It’s ok to take a step back & feel what needs to be felt. And it’s ok to ask for help if your normal tricks for pulling you back up the mountain aren’t quite working the way they used to. Thankfully, this post worked like a charm the way I was hoping it would & gave me my piece of mind back. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not depressed, I’m just a mom & mommin’ easy. There will be days your kids will break you with their crying & their fighting & their refusal to eat anything but Halloween candy. It’ll make you feel sad & worried. You’ll wonder if you’re not spending enough time with them & if that’s why they are crying. You’ll wonder if it’s because you’re not paper macheting enough crafts or getting the play doh out more than once a month that your kids are fighting. Is it because they are bored? You’ll wonder if your kids will make it to bed at a decent time & not be total grump asses in the morning because they just ate an entire sucker 20 minutes before bed & they seem to be currently undergoing a sugar rush. Or if they are getting all the nutrition they need to grow big & strong because you know that skittles have like 0 nutritional value. And all of the above is ok. You’re ok. Worrying & being sad sometimes just comes with the gig.

I want you to know that even though it might look like your depressed & you very well could be, there’s also a chance that you aren’t. And whatever you’re diagnosed (self or professional) with, you’ll be able to handle if. You’re your child’s parent. And I promise you’re not alone. I hope you never feel that way. Don’t feel like you have to shove what you’re feeling down because you are holding this beautiful & perfect newborn baby girl in your arms & you’re feeling fear instead of happiness. There are people out there feeling exactly the way you are. There’s hundreds of climbing techniques to get you out of the feeling of being stuck in a valley of life. So don’t give up. Life isn’t meant to be this hard & you deserve to be happy. Evaluate your feelings & see if you can piece anything back together. If it’s as simple as what I did here, just writing my feelings down, than excellent. But if it’s a sadness you can’t seem to get the sun to shine on to help break it up, then I need you to do what’s best for you & your family. Even if it’s your SO struggling with kids & work & a dog this week or this month or however long it takes while you get help. They might get frustrated, but trust me when I tell you that they will do it. And it’s because they love you. Your happiness is important to them too. They want you to have a happy, healthy mind. So today let’s see if we can relax a little today & let some of the sadness go. I know you’ll feel a whole lot better if you do.

#TheOneLeggedMommy #MentalHealth #Amputee #MomminAintEasy #Awareness #Amputation #SorryForTheDelay #SoTired #NecrotizingFasciitis #Sad #Depression