We are always going to hesitate when it comes to things that are different. Different food. Different towns. Different skin colors. Different language. Different feelings, both physical or emotional. Different number of body parts. I find it to just be natural. And I know that there are going to be people that don’t think that that is true. The bold & the brave. And that’s ok! But I think it is. It might be just a hesitant thought for a split second, something that’s not even visible or recognizable to the naked eye, but still a hesitation nonetheless. And that’s ok! Hesitation isn’t a bad thing. It’s our bodies response to give us just a touch longer to decide what we are going to do. If we should stay & fight or take flight.

Did you know it took me 6 hours of excruciating leg pain & my husbands persuasiveness to get me to go in to the ER the night I lost my leg? I was SO HESITANT to go to the ER because up to that point, I was an extremely healthy 23 year old. I thought they would think I was a complete moron for going to the ER because of a freaking Charlie Horses! And so I just dealt with it for an entire afternoon. But in hindsight, I wish I didn’t hesitate. I wish I didn’t worry if the doctors & nurses were going to think I was overreacting to a little leg pain. Would I still have my hip if I didn’t? My knee? Hindsight’s 20/20, but I also wonder if God had me hesitate for a reason? Maybe if I had went in at noon nothing that alarming would’ve showed up on my lab work causing them to send me home & the good Lord knows that I would have NOT went back so there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be here. And I’m sure that that 6pm ER visit is what saved my life. There was no one day later option here. So maybe hesitation is just God’s way of keeping us right on time for our timeline? Even if it’s only minutes or hours or milliseconds later that something needs to happen. Hesitation is Gods Hand at work. Now there’s a good reason for that second thought.

Now my only advice is to not regret the hesitation. In my situation, I could so very easily do that. Or I could choose to look at what I think might have been why I was so hesitant. I knew that the leg pain was very unusual & the amount of time it lasted was ever more so. But I hesitated anyway. And it might have cost me my leg or it might have saved my life. We are never really going to know while we are here on Earth, so why beat myself up over it? Or, instead, I could use it to grow my relationship with God? I choose to believe that getting that flesh eating bacteria is just part of the Timeline that God hand crafted for me. And I can’t be mad at Him for that or for making me hesitant or for losing my leg. Because life is more than a leg. Life is tiny arms & a hopeful heart & a faithful soul & just so many things more than having two legs. And that is something I will never hesitate in saying over & over again. Life. Is. More. Than. Having. Two. Legs.

#TheOneLeggedMommy #TheFleshEatingBacteria #Hesitant #Amputee #Timelines #HipDisarticulation #FightOrFlight #LegPains #NecrotizingFasciitis #LifeIsMoreThanTwoLegs