One of my most favorite parts about starting this page is the life stories I get to hear. About people I’ve never met before and people I’ve know for many years. Today’s life story comes from a childhood friends Mom. Are you ready for a huge dose of perspective?

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Sometimes in life we like to dwell on the bad events and kind of just forget about where those bad events brought us to today. Life isn’t easy and goodness it isn’t just handed to us. It’s something we have to work at….work very hard at!!!! Sometimes too hard. There were so many times in my life I just wanted to give up. I would get over a difficult situation just in time for God to say, “Oh wait!!! I’m not done with you just quite yet!!” Oh great!!! Here it comes.

I’ve always been an anxious kid. Worry, worry, worry!!! All the time. I’m still really good at it. It’s a trait I almost mastered…..unfortunately.

My childhood was eventful to say the least. My dad was a drinker and Mom made up for his short comings. He would come home drunk and I would be a mess. I wanted to protect my mommy because I was worried about her.

Life went on and I graduated high school. I got married to my boyfriend that I met when I was 11. I got married at 19 and had my first baby a couple weeks before I turned 20. He was my safe haven at that time. The babies kept coming.

The first two came without any real issues. The third was a scheduled caesarean, but the doctor said I could go natural since I was seven centimeters dilated. Ok. No biggie. The doctor sucked. Pardon my French but he ended up tearing my uterus by pulling out the placenta. I hemorrhaged and nearly died. I had a bp of 40/20. Yep, it was close but this story is far from over.

One of the nurses at that time was friends with my sisters. And while she was looking me over she said, “Well, you must be the biggest of all the girls!” WTH?? Not something a new mom wants to hear. All I could think was that I was going to show her. I never told anyone about this, but I became bulimic. And yeah, I showed her. I got down to 124 pounds. I looked terrible. It defined my life at that time. It’s a tough thing to overcome, but you can. Thirty years later, I finally said it for the first time.

In 1993, Haley was born. When she was 5 weeks old she got whooping cough. She was a sick, sick baby. She would cough so hard that she would turn a nice country shade of blue. Talk about stressful. Tony was also in the hospital with double pneumonia at the same time. I had to grown up every time I went from room to room. Haley was in quarantine so I felt like a prisoner in her room. They did some experimental drug on her. They didn’t know the side effects, but said she may die if I didn’t do it. Two weeks later, we got out of the hospital. From that time on until she was around five, she had 17 hospital stays because her immune system sucked. Tony had around 10 stays.

I about had enough. I went through all of this mostly on my own. Their dad drove semi and usually got home Friday, sometimes Saturday, and then left again Sunday. He must have been home enough because baby number five was on the way. I went to the doctor because something felt weird. He checked me and said everything looked good. I went into labor on the way home. She was 22 weeks along. She didn’t make it. My mom was there with me. You can never image how empty your arms feel when you don’t have that baby to hold. I was a disaster and alone. A month and a half later, I was pregnant again. My hormones were running amok. I had Sydney six weeks early. I was still mourning Jade and now I had a baby and was supposed to be happy. Yep….I was crumbling. We took a vacation when she was three months. I needed to get away. While on Catalina Island I had an anxiety attack. I thought I was dying. When we came home, I actually had a hard time taking care of Syd. I finally went to the doctor. He gave me something to calm me down. It wasn’t until years later, a wonderful therapist I talked to told me I had post partum depression and the doctors never treated it. She worked wonders with me….thanks, Sue!!!

In 1998, Syd had a near drowning accident at the pool. She was taken by careflight to Children’s in Dayton. I was playing church volleyball at that time. I got home and everyone was at my house. I remember my mom saying, “There’s been an accident!” OMG!!!! I looked to see who was missing. Syd wasn’t there. Mom told me she was being taken to Children’s and she still had a heartbeat. Yep, you guessed it. I was losing it again. “Why me, God???? I can’t take anymore!!!!” She was unconscious for a day. She woke up and it was the happiest day of my life. She got out on a Saturday and said, “I want to go swimming!” Swimming we went. You fall off the horse, get back on. She had every person watching her that day. 😊 The main person watching her was God. When Syd had a follow up appointment after her near drowning accident, I asked her where she jumped off at. Now remember, she just turned three. She told me, “I jumped off the highway to Jesus!” I about died. I didn’t talk to her much about God so when she said this, it was creepy. I asked her if she saw God. She said, “Yes! He had on a white dress and slippers.” I tried to picture Jesus in drag. 🤣 I think she meant a robe. But those are the moments when I knew He was watching us all. At times I wished he would stop watching us and forget about me, but noooo….he had more in store for me.

When Tony was in the fifth grade, he got sick. Really sick. He lost 30 pounds in a month. He had spinal headaches. He eventually couldn’t talk because it hurt his head so bad. I had to homeschool him his entire fifth grade. He went to school to take tests and then I would bring him straight back home. We went to so many doctors and finally we wound up at the Cleveland Clinic. They did test after test and couldn’t come up with anything. The only thing they thought it could be was something called Arnold Chiari malformation. They didn’t think it was bad enough to be causing his problems but it was their only diagnosis. They ended up wanting to send us to a psychologist because they were thinking it was in his head. It actually was, but not the way they thought. I forced this kid to drink my homemade, fattening protein drinks. He did nothing for almost a year. He finally started getting a little better. To this day, I believe he had spinal meningitis. They told me with his Chiari, that if they drew out spinal fluid, he could die. A doctor I brought him to thought he had a sinus infection. He put him on a drug regimen for six weeks. I did my research (after all this I could have been a pharmacist and doctor). The same drugs that doctor gave Tony are actually the same medications they would give someone for spinal meningitis. I think the drugs helped keep him alive, but he still had the bacteria. It didn’t get rid of it, but it did help. He finally got back to his old self and could finally enjoy being a kid again.

Things were going ok. I was basically a single mom trying to raise these kids. The kids’ dad finally got off the road and got a 40 hour a week job. Guess what???? The kids and I were so used to being on our own, that this was a change we couldn’t deal with. I couldn’t deal with. I had resentment towards him. I’ve been through more than I could handle by myself and was ticked that he finally decided to join us. We eventually divorced in 2002 and I sort of went into midlife crisis. I became some sort of an idiot. Bahaha. I must have felt I needed to go through my second childhood and was acting like it. I hated the person I became. That’s where Tom came in. He loved me in spite of my behavior. I asked him years later why he married me. He said, “I knew you went through a lot and that wasn’t the person you could be. I knew you were good!!” Wow!!! Out the window that person went but this time for a good reason. Because of Tom.

And while I finally felt like the mountains of my life were finally starting to plateau out, my story is not finished there. But I got this!!! Syd was really sick her senior year. Something was always hurting. Doctor, doctor, doctor. She was fine. Still complained all the time. It got to the point where she would say, “All you do is roll your eyes!! I don’t feel good!!” Well, one day she was sick and had an appointment. I was waiting in the car for her. She wasn’t coming. I was beeping the horn. I finally went to get her. She had passed out in her bathroom. She hit her head. We headed to the ER where they did a CAT scan. The nurse called me later that day and said, “Syd’s CAT scan shows that she has Arnold Chiari Maformation.” I said, “SHE DOES?” The nurse was surprised that I knew what that was. Been there, done that. I just can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together. Syd ended up having not one, not two, but three brain surgeries. Her Chiari is better, but all the surgeries left her with muscles as tight as rocks and nerve damage. It’s a daily fight for her.

Through all this, I can now tell her that God will only give you what you can handle. Just keep going. The reward is great. I have told the kids so many times that “This, too, shall pass!” On the whole spectrum of your life, how important is this current situation?? Is something that in a week from now, you won’t even think about it? Just let it go now!! Don’t hold on to it. I can honestly tell you that I gave up on God. If he was so wonderful, why on earth did he give me such turmoil? Ya know what???? I became stronger. I know now that great things are worth fighting for. When you feel you are at your lowest, keep going. It gets better. You may not see the good in yourself, but others do. I’m so glad God and Tom saw my goodness. I tell the kids to run a good race. Jump the hurdles the best you can. You may knock a few over, but sometimes that’s what you have to do to finish the race. I may not have come in first place in my race of life, but I finished so many races and I’m getting in better shape for the next race. Don’t do life on your own. Let God hold your hand. I tried to let go, but he had the death grip and he is much stronger than I’ll ever dream of being.

Sorry if I rambled, but people don’t always see what people are going through and they don’t understand their behavior. Try not to judge. Be thankful for your life and pray that others are as lucky as you someday. May God be with all of you today and always!!!! He’s my copilot.

#TheOneLeggedMommy #TheMommyWhoHasBeenThroughHellAndHighWater #Amputee #Amputation #NecrotizingFasciitis